USIU, this is my last semester (God willing) I’m often asked by my peers, “Shan, you’re graduating this year are you excited?” I often respond with “Yes” because this is the norm; whenever asked just say yes, that’s the unspoken rule I learnt from the graduating students who I asked last year and the ones graduating this year. But, the truth is I don’t know if I’m excited. I’m sad about leaving, yet excited. Confused like an adolescent going through puberty. I don’t know whether to embrace the change or lament on the fact that I’ll no longer be a kid anymore.
I guess what I’m depressed most about is venturing into the unknown, the untouched and the unseen. I’ve never, not been in school my whole life; I joined straight after high school. The scariest thing is losing the safety net of school. School assures me of the “possibility” of achieving my dreams, my hopes and my desires. Losing it means the “possible” reality of: despair, hopelessness and failure. Thoughts pound my head with questions such as: “Will my GPA allow me to….? Will I get a job? Should I kiss ass to get a job? Will my personality get me a job? Will I get that perfect life with a big house, nice car and a beautiful family?” These thoughts keep me up some nights; restlessness, a dark spell cast upon me by AUGUST 2016. During these moments I feel bound to my thoughts, I feel as if I’m insignificant; just another grain to sand. I feel as if my dreams will remain at the back of my mind while doing a meaningless job just to get by because good work is hard to find. Reading unemployment rates in Kenyan newspapers makes me wallow down into depression “Kenya’s unemployment 40% projected to be 60% amongst the youth” In this depressed state something amazing always happens…
Dark thoughts get transformed into positive action oriented thoughts; thoughts of adventure, curiosity and excitement. I get excited on the fact that after university I’m immersed into the unknown, unseen and untouched where new great friends would be made through facing new challenges the world throws at us and conquering them with ease quelling the doubts we had in our heads, where new places would be walked on, eaten in and be felt. I get excited by the unique rush of learning about office politics, being involved in office politics and machiavelli myself to get to the top. The anticipation of new love excites me; a different type of love, a more mature love, one which is not driven by insecurities and experimentation rather by one that is driven by known desires and fetishes. To sum it all up I’m really looking forward to being financially independent which means: the freedom to live under your own roof, the freedom to save, freedom to invest, freedom to entertain, freedom to be entertained, freedom to not save up for months to go for events like 6AM. All in all after graduation the most exciting thing is freedom that is not felt during university.
So to my graduating friends this year may you prosper, may you have triumphs that reap gold, may you stand up and try again when defeated, may you stare in the face of failure and shun it, may you achieve your life’s goal and do what you were made to do.
In conclusion, my friends that ask me if I’m excited about graduating the answer is…………… “YES”